Parents Struggling: Not Asking For Help, Why?

Parents Struggling: Not Asking For Help, Why?

The reason why people do not ask for help when they are on their last legs is because people use their ulterior motives to dictate the situation. For a strong-willed go getter to ask someone for help they must feel a sense of trust towards the person or people that they are seeking assistance from.

I have spoken to plenty of parents about receiving help from other people to help raise their children and they pretty much say the same thing. People have their own reasons, and most are not sincere. Which makes me think about the concept of “it takes a village to raise a child.” This analogy is simply used to say that no one can do it on their own, no matter how hard it is to raise a child. It takes support from others, especially those near and dear to the child to assist in their upbringing. Nowhere in this statement or analogy does it say, a set of villagers will raise the child because they think that they are better equipped. It is saddening and disheartening that people take advantage of others due to their lack of or hardship at a time.

If anyone says I know what is best for the child better than you and you have been the primary caretaker, it is like they spit in your face and told you that you are a bad parent. The thing is that most people want to make up for what they did not do with their own children, especially when their child has been incarcerated and chose the wrong path. Note that, you raised your child grandparents, aunt, uncle, and whomever makes parents feel like they are less than.

Helping that person and filling the need is far more important than you thinking you have all the answers. News Flash, you do not have all the answers because if you did you would have noticed the signs of your own child or children spiraling out of control. Think about what you are doing to that child, making it hard for the parent could just as well make it harder for you. How would you feel if you could not see your child and someone has just taken them when you just needed a little assistance for a short time? Matter of fact, how would you feel if DCFS came into your home and told you that you are the reason for your child’s demise when you have made every attempt to make sure your child receives the help they need.

In retrospect, how can you call yourself a pastor, deacon, or anyone who believes in the Word of God and say I am leaning to mine own understanding. My thoughts and views matter more than Gods’. Is that the same thing as you are telling a parent who saw you as someone reliable, who they could trust that I think you are bad for your child. What? Pump the brakes, most parents would just rip their child(ren) away from you and make it so hard for you to even contact them.

It seems that people are motivated by their own wants and needs. Believe me that if you feel like a child is better off with you than the parent who has supported them, went above and beyond, and put their livelihood on hold to make sure their child is okay and will be able to have an outlet. Then more than likely you are the worse person for the job, if you knew that you have your own motives, then why would you say yes, and you have a relationship with this person? More than likely, you have always felt that this parent was inadequate even when they have asked you for help while their child was with them and the only reason why you agreed this time, is because you felt like it is my time.

Kick them while they are down baby, and I promise you the child will love them more and resent you. Even when you think that you are having a private conversation, but the child has intuition as well, especially when their parent fasted and prayed for them to be in this world. Everyone has an opinion yet no one person has the solution. That is why there are multiple doctors in the same field, why you need a babysitter when you go to work, why you go to church and read your bible; it is because no two people or one situation is the same. I just people who love Jesus would stop getting themselves in the way and let God handle it. The Bible even speaks about helping your neighbor, Jesus even said with love have I drawn thee, not vinegar and water.

Come on now wake up, and stop being so judgmental because you feel like you have the answers to life, when you haven’t walked in the stilettos or steel toe boots as others. Honey, I can barely walk in stilettoes and steel toes hurt my feet that I feel it in my knees, so walking in my shoes may make you feel like you don’t want to even walk, maybe crawling would suit you better.

In the end you will recognize that maybe, just maybe, if you lend someone a helping hand, they will be able to receive it; instead of throwing them off and under the bus, because you feel like it.

There are boundaries and I am sure that God gave them the parent that they needed, even if that parent is sometimes flustered, especially when the parent has worked so hard for the child to succeed. So, look at yourself and ask yourself, why do I feel that I am more adequate, am I trying to make up for my mistakes, or am I going to do it my way because nothing that you say means anything to me.